The Wondrous Wandering Tornado

 I turned 39 yesterday, the 29th of July, and I started feeling blue for days before the event. My mum instilled a ''always celebrate your birthday'' mentality in me since I was a child so it was odd that I was dreading getting older this year. At first, I thought it had to do with the new job and freelancing being hard as a whole. My struggle with getting into a routine and being present instead of getting caught up in endless distractions and daydreams.  I don't deny that all that definitely had a part to play but it wasn't the whole reason. It was the fact that I was getting older and closer to 40. That in my lifetime I had experienced so much pain and heartache, mostly in the last couple of years that I felt broken and not worthy. It's shocking how abuse at the workplace can leave you with PTSD to the point of thinking you have accomplished nothing and life is doom and gloom. I am definitely not depressed, but I had been two years ago and without the med...

I put off writing my first blog post and creating a blog because I couldn't think of a cool topic. Well, a topic I thought people reading would think is cool. But as I am not sure what is cool anymore, whilst being in the middle of a pandemic.  For a while, I had been getting into a funk. The freedom to do what I liked was causing me stress and upping my anxiety and I had stopped my pills so I was spiralling. I needed something to inspire me, to get me to smile and to push forward but couldn't find anything that brought me any joy. I am not depressed, I know what that is like and I am not letting myself go there again but no matter what I did I couldn't shake off this cloud that gradually got darker and rained occasionally. Today things changed, in fact, my whole world changed.  I figured what the hell, it's my birthday month and it's time to stop procrastinating. So I sat down in front of the computer and went to Youtube to see if anything was interesting and new. ...